Its tough loosing someone you love. Even if you know it is coming due to prolonged illness it still takes you buy surprise and you can never really prepare yourself for what comes next. But in reality you find comfort in the fact that the person is in a better place and that they are no longer suffering. The pain slowly goes away and life returns back to normal while you keep a very warm and close picture or memory of that person with you always.
But reality unfortunately also deals us some heavy blows from time to time. When people that you love dearly are suddenly and abruptly taken away from you it really makes it hard to cope and deal with it. We never anticipate that at any moment anyone of us can be plucked from this life and leave so much heartache and pain behind. These are the times that we find it difficult to understand how God can be so cruel and insensitive.
I have lost a very good friend in recent weeks and even though I thought that by now the pain and the tears would be better it still hits me every now and then and I am shocked and horrified by the reality of it all. An unfortunate case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time and so many lives are shattered.
Jaun was a clown always. He could always make me laugh with a silly comment or a joke. He always had a smile on his face and always tried to be the funny man. He was extra hysterical when he got drunk as he always had weird and insightful topics of discussion that he could dissect and analyse for hours. But the fact of the matter is that he was a good honest guy with his flaws but he touched so many lives. The sad thing about it was that he saw himself as the loneliest person on the plant. He so wanted to find that girl and settle down and now he will never experience the joys that come with that. I believe that God has a plan for all of us and that perhaps he had other intentions with Juan’s life but it still does not make the heartache any better.
Its times like this where people say that he has been saved and that he does not have to go through the pain and suffering of life on earth but its also times like this where I want to be selfish and keep the people that are close to me for always.
Juan and I had so much in common and we could relate to so much and I guess that is why this is so hard for me to accept and move on. We were both looking for that someone special and to make our mark on the world by standing on our own two feet. He was always willing to lend a hand or make you laugh with a silly comment. I will miss his laughter and his jokes. I will miss finding him on the couch passed out at a party or even on a few occasions on my bed. I will miss taking silly photos of him when he was in a playful mood. I will miss hearing his voice and the hugs we’d give each other to say hi or goodbye. I will miss his chicken casserole with just a little too much white wine that tasted just a bit to sour… I will miss joining him on the jumping castle with the kids and bouncing around for hours and feeling like an old man bruised and battered afterwards. I will miss the wrestling matches where I always had to try and show I am stronger but never could. Most of all I will miss watching him play with Zuan or consoling him and wiping his tiers when he cries.
No matter how rough your exterior could be at times your heart was good and solid Jaun. And now I can only hope that the sorrow and loneliness that you felt so often is gone and that you are surrounded with love and peace and happiness and that you have found what you so desperately looked for here on earth.
Today would have been your birthday and I would have loved to be able to phone you and wish you well for the years to come. But you’re gone and I can’t wish you well. I can only pray that you are in heaven looking down on us and that you are happy forevermore.
All my love… we miss you so much…
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