I think this is probably one of the most debated and discussed topics when it comes to dating in the real world. Many of the older generations will attest to the fact that your lover should be your best friend and that you can’t build a lasting relationship without having that friendship to start with.
I tend to agree with them because the people who make these statements are in happy committed relationships. Your partner should be your best friend and the one you share your life with. I mean after all it does make sense that you would want to spend all your time with your best friend and not have that companionship. But the real question is how do you find this and if you have found your friend how do you make the transition from friend to lover? In a world where human interaction is on the decline and social networking on the web is on the incline how do you actually spend enough one on one time with people to build these relationships.
There are various deviants and perverts out there that just want one thing from you and you know that once they have gotten it it’s all over and they move on to the next one. In the wise words of Samantha from Sex and the City: “The bad guys screw you, the good guys screw you and the rest of them don’t know how to screw you. Trust me I’ve done the leg work”. I find that this sums up a number of things in the dating world. It does make the outlook on the future a bit bleak though.
But let’s say that you have this good friend and that there is some attraction there. The dilemma that you are sitting with now is as follows. Do you take it to the next level i.e.: romantic, or do you keep things the way they are and hope that someday things will work itself out. The risk is that you take the step in that direction and that your advances is met with stiff opposition… not the kind of “stiff” that you are thinking about, but rather the “stiff” that could mean the end of your friendship. The alternative is that you wait for things to happen naturally and then miss the opportunity and somebody else takes the chance and you lose out. Perhaps you are great friends and if there is no romantic way forward your friendship is able to survive. But what if your friendship can’t survive? Are you willing to lose a friend over something like this? Some people say it is better to have tried and lost than not to have tried at all. I honestly don’t know if that is the right answer. Would you not rather have the friendship than nothing at all? On a lighter note though you could have much success in your quest, and that is what we all hope for. I personally have not been in a situation where a friendship has turned to romance but I have been told that it is awesome and that it’s worth a try. Let’s face it love can’t be found on the internet or in a club. The internet is filled with people who misrepresent themselves by publishing photo shopped pictures showing their best angles and giving brief statements about themselves that only sums up their greatest qualities. The clubs are filled with lonely desperate people that are highly intoxicated and the day after you always find yourself wondering what you were thinking and how drunk you actually were in the first place.
The best way to find that someone special is to have that one on one connection and build on it. There is no amount of clubbing or internet dating that will bring that your way unfortunately. Having said that where do you find nice dateable gay guys these days? I sure as hell don’t know and if there is something that I have missed please do enlighten me. Sex is easy to find and it’s readily available around every corner. The challenge is to find the one that you want can settle down with and have that committed relationship with. I have said it before and I will say it again, you have to kiss a good couple of frogs to find your prince. Trust me I have kissed a lot of frogs but none of them have turned into princes yet, but here’s hoping for the future.
In short you have to find your best friend that you have that spark or click with and then build on it from there. There will be no guarantees and there will be risks involved but the reward will make it worth it in the end. If it does not work out or the friendship is not meant to evolve into something more then so be it. Don’t beat yourself up over it, you can’t win them all and the best way to look to the future is to dust yourself off and try again, just make better choices the second time around.
Happy hunting….
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