Where are the protocols on what we are meant to do to achieve
ultimate levels of bliss? Do we have to punch out kids before 25? When should
we settle down? Where are the rules and regulations for us? Where is the hand
book?
The answer is simple – there are no rules in gay
relationships. There will never be a guideline or a handbook to tell you what
you do next. There is no troubleshooting in a relationship. This is not
necessarily a bad thing. We now have the luxury of making up our own rules as
we go and flying by the seat of our pants most of the time. We as a gay culture
always over achieve in our careers and other projects. Why shouldn’t we over
achieve in matters related to the heart? We are always out to prove a point to
society and to show that we are just as good as the next person for the job, if
not better. It’s like they see us as handicapped. If that’s the case I would
certainly love to make use of the handicapped parking spaces at malls. It’s
such a drama walking to the car with all those shopping bags and still trying
to look fabulous. Where is my handicapped zone sticker?
Back to the point of this blog… I have been single for most
of my adult life and in some cases it was by choice. Yet when you confess this
in general conversation you don’t get a standing ovation or a round of applause,
you get pitiful looks from dolled up gals who cling to their “all brawn and no
brain” hubbies. Then there is always the follow up comment: “Awww… but you’re
such a wonderful guy, you really shouldn’t be alone…
Am I alone? Am I lonely? What’s the difference?
Soon after that they follow with the inevitable: “Oh I have
a gay friend and you guys would be perfect together”. Really? Just because we’re
both gay does not mean we are going to be great together. The same logic still
applies as in any straight relationship. There has to be a connection people,
we have to click and have some chemistry in order for us to be great together. Would
you like it if I did the same to you single gals out there: “Oh I know a
straight guy and you would be perfect together”. I can already hear the
feedback on that.
To answer my previous question about being alone or lonely. It’s
not a simple yes or no response unfortunately. Yes I get lonely and yes
sometimes I choose to be alone. Is it not ultimately better to be alone then to
be with someone who makes you feel alone? Would you not rather be in an
intellectually and physically stimulating relationship then a boring day in and
day out relationship where serving his every need is your first priority no
matter what you’re feeling? I’d love to be in a committed and caring
relationship but sadly that has alluded me for many years. I have tried many
times to build on something more than friendship with some very decent guys in
my past but it didn’t work out. So what? At least I did make an attempt, even
if most of them were straight and confused. I have looked for Mr. Right all
over the place, in bars and clubs, in churches and at parades, occasionally on
my back but most of them turned out to be Mr. Right Out Of His Freaking Mind…
There are times when you just want to cuddle with a special
guy on the couch and not just jump his bones because there is nothing good on
TV. There are times when you want to call that guy and have him tell you how
awesome you are and that no matter what your day is like he will always love
you. Often my gay people confuse that line between sex and love and that is where
everything goes upside down… pun not really intended. Yes I might want kids and
yes I would probably settle down with a special guy in a perfect little home in
the perfect little suburb but the trick is to find this allusive guy who shares
your values, interests and commitment to a relationship. Someone who doesn’t just
love you for the night and then doesn’t call you again. Someone who is prepared
to be there for you at your best and at your worst, who will help fight those
personal demons we all have.
I don’t want to settle for just any old fag, I want to
settle for the guy of my dreams. The guy who will take care of me in sickness
and who will share my joy in health. A guy who will share my riches but also
stand beside me and hold my hand in the poor times. A guy who won’t just bail
at the first sign of trouble but who will stick around and help me fight the
battle. Someone who won’t treat me like a slave but will appreciate the things I
willingly do for him and not just expect it. I deserve to be loved and so does
anyone who reads this blog. Why do we put ourselves down and make ourselves
believe that we are not good enough. It’s not all about six packs and pecs, it’s
about a different kind of muscle all together, the heart. Its needs tenderness
and care, it needs gentle handling and special attention. These are basic needs
that anyone can fulfill if they only try. So just put away the lube for a bit
and take a good look at the situation. Are you happy with your life? Are you
happy with that special person in your life? Does he meet your needs or is it
all about him? You have needs too; always remember that and any healthy relationship
is about give and take, it can’t be all about you giving and him taking.
The point of this blog is not to wreck any homes or disrupt
anyone’s perfect world but rather to make you see what you are worth and how
much you deserve. Life is far too short to not live the life that makes you
happy.
Now go out there and do what you need to do to make you
happy, you deserve it!!!
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