Knowing Me, Knowing You...

We all go through those phases in life where we wonder who we are, what are doing and where we are going. It is so easy to get caught up in life and get distracted from what matters and what is real.

I have found myself to be at that very junction on various occasions in my life. And yes most of those occasions were mostly my own doing that led to it. And funny enough there was always some kind man involved who had disappointed me or broken my heart. It’s always so ironic that the moment we loose the so called love of our life that we immediately sit down and do serious introspection and try to find the fault within ourselves. It does not matter that the guy was a complete douche and that he really did not want to settle down with you but we somehow convince ourselves that we are not good enough and that we really don’t deserve that person. 

Let me tell you ladies and gentlemen and girly boys that is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard.

Yes it is so ironic that I of all people would be writing these very words because I am that poster child for finding fault with myself and I am my own worst enemy. But as they say with age comes wisdom and perhaps now that the next phase of my life is rushing towards me like a freight train I have started changing the way I think about things.

I am becoming more comfortable in my own skin. Self doubt and self pity is quite possibly the most crippling social disorder ever know to man. It holds us back and it stops us from achieving our fullest potential. I used to think that life was all about finding your true love and settling down and living happily ever after. Reality Check: I am not Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, I am Hein and since when have I ever conformed to what society expects or demands of me. I pride myself on doing thing differently and being different from the global rat race.

Yes I have looked everywhere for this so called Mr. Right and all I have found is a bunch of imposters with not so genuine intentions. There have also been a few Mr. Right Now’s and believe me those were necessary and boy was that fun. The thing is, you can’t demand or dictate where and when you will be meeting those special people in our lives. It has to happen naturally and it has to happen on the universes terms not on yours. When I look at the relationships in my life right now I can still remember where and when things started blossoming into special relationships. That is exactly how love works. You are merely a passenger along for the ride and it’s a one way trip, so you better make sure that enjoy that ride as there will never be a second take or a replay.

So after having some serious talks to myself and chatting to a close and very wise friend of mine I have taken the decision to take a step back and stop putting so much pressure on myself by forcing on these issues. Yes we all have our other half out there that will fit perfectly with us but you cant force it. As a wonderfully eccentric numerologist once explained to me: We all start out as an egg. Some of us are yolks and some of us are egg whites. We get separated at the beginning of our lives and then spend the rest of our lives looking for our egg whites or yolks. The trick is that two yolks don’t go together and two egg whites don’t go together.  In case you were wondering my dears this refers to our souls not our genetals…

For some reason this comment from her has recently surfaced in my mind again and I am not sure why but I am just going with the flow and enjoying the ride. But when you really look at that comment it makes such perfect sense and you simply cannot argue with it.

It has been very liberating thus far I must say, to step back and just say that I don’t have to do this right now. I don’t feel the need to get out there and sell myself like a car sales man. I don’t have that urge to go on to various dating sites and look through the endless catalogue of lost souls looking for a good time. I don’t sit on the net for ours looking to hook up or chat to some hottie that has commitment issues and at some point he might want something more serious. I feel so relaxed and stress free at this stage. Why did I ever get so caught up in this dating roller coaster, where finding love is a mission and not a beautiful experience? Who knows but I have the power to change it and believe me darlings I am going to do that right now. Not tomorrow and not a week from now, I have to make that change for me right now because I owe it to myself. I have been in a relationship with myself for almost 30 years and that is the relationship that needs all the love and attention that I can possibly give. I don’t spend enough time on me and when I am alone I don’t spend quality time with me. Yes there are many obstacles in the way such as work and stressful lifestyles but there is simply no excuse for you not to have quality time with yourself everyday. You are the most important person in your life and you need to make sure that you are keeping yourself happy. Don’t misunderstand me people. I am not about to become a self centred bastard that only worries or cares about me and damn the rest, and I am absolutely not saying that is what you should do. I am talking about love for yourself and having that inner peace that ultimately makes you a more balanced person and at the end of the day strengthens all the relationships in your life.

I am so blessed to have awesome people in my life that I can share anything with and discuss anything with. I get excited when I know I am going to be spending time with one of my special friends because it really does not matter what we do, the mere fact that we are in each others company is enough for me.

So who am I? I am a unique blessed individual who is looking to share my life with a special person but I am not going to sit around and wait for that person to show up at my front door. I am going to go out there and live my life and spend time with the people I care about and care about me. I am the most amazing creature on earth because I have free will and the power to change my circumstance and I don’t have to be normal, I can be exceptional and I can be my own best friend. If that someone special should come along and join me on the ride well then that would be great.

I love you all and it really means a lot to me that you took the time to read this. I hope it meant something to you, and even if you only take away one thing from this let it be something that will bring you closer to your true self.

Until the next time…