Life is all about experiences. Some are good and some are
bad and then there are some that really bring back the humour in your life. I recently
had a few like this but the most memorable one would have to be me and the “tan
can”. I thought I would share this funny story with everyone to brighten their
day.
Let me start at the beginning though. This
year was my big 30th birthday and not only mine but also my great long-time
friend as well. So we decided that we need to go big this year to celebrate it
like there is no tomorrow. It worked out great because we would also be
celebrating another friend’s birthday during the same period. So after much
discussion and deliberation we decided to take a much deserved holiday to the
tropical island of Mauritius. The sun, the sand the crystal clear waters, what
could be better than spending time with great friends in a perfectly relaxed
setting like this. The plans were hatched and the trip was booked all that remained
now was to pack and get into holiday mode.
However with me things are never that simple… One morning
while dressing for work I noticed a blinding light coming from the mirror in
front of me. At first I was afraid, I was petrified but then I realised that
the blinding light was the glow of my pale white flesh after a long cold
winter. As you can imagine this was a serious stumbling block for me and my
enjoyment in paradise. I could just see the people on the beach running
frantically in different directions to hide from the light. This was not going
to work and I needed to make a plan and do it very quickly. I looked at spray tans
but those make me very nervous as I would really not like to look like a
distant cousin of the orange family. So I went on the look for alternatives
like sunbed, or as I like to call it hell in a box. If you have ever gone for
one of those sessions you will know what I mean. At the time though I had no
idea what I was letting myself in for. During a conversation with a friend at
worked he recommended a place and turns out that he was also keen on going to
get some colour on him. This was perfect as I really did not feel like doing
this alone, so we made the booking and went for it.
The first session is always the most important as this lays
the foundation for your tan lines and also exposes you to the wholes experience
if you’re new to it. I wish someone had been kind enough to inform me of this
critical point. Me being the over eager beaver that I am, stripped down to my
underwear, sprayed some tanning oil and jumped in to the tan can. In hindsight I
should have paid more attention to where I was spraying the tanning oil, or
more importantly where I was not spraying.
In the first few seconds of roasting myself I decided that my underwear
was why to high up and pulled them down slightly thus exposing my pale, unoiled
flesh to the grill. At first I thought nothing of this and did my full ten
minutes. When I got out I looked red all over but that was mainly from the
heat. By the time I was walking to my car my mid-section was screaming at me. I
got home and took a hot shower which was excruciating. You see not only did I move
my underwear and not spray the lotion in that area but I also missed a very
large section on my back and my thighs. The back was not the worst but the
midsection resulted in me not being able to walk or sit properly for at least 4
days. Upon further investigation of my back I found that I did spray parts of
my back but neglected to rub the lotion in over the entire area. As a result of
that I was left with perfectly round white patches on my back where I had
actually sprayed and the rest was a bright red. The first thing that came to
mind was: “You look like a freaking cheetah”.
My friend had the same problem I had and turns out we both
missed the plot completely when it came to this tanning thing. We decided that
with the next session we would double check each other and make sure there is
lotion everywhere but of course the damage had been done and we both had the
cheetah spots on our backs. We went for a few more sessions to try and get it
right but it made no difference. The only sure thing that came out of this was
the hysterical laughter from both of us as we examined each other’s wounds.
I ended up going to the lovely island paradise with my spots
in the hopes that the natural tanning method used for millenniums would help
but as of this morning’s examination in the mirror I found that even though
slightly faded the spots remain. I did manage to get a great tan all over while
in paradise so it’s not all doom and gloom and I think the spots have grown on
me, it definitely does add character to my back…
So if you do decide to go for the tan, make sure you apply
the lotion properly, you might end up releasing that inner cheetah if you don’t…
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