Dating in this day and age is brutal. You have so much to contend with and if you’re not careful you could easily loose yourself in the madness of it all. There are tonnes of useless etiquette that everyone tries to imprint in your head. Absolute and utter nonsense that might have worked for someone at one stage but really does not mean anything to you. Most of my straight friends tries to give me advise on do’s and don’ts on dates but there is one critical part of the equation that they are forgetting… I’m gay!
Gay dating is much more complex in many different ways than straight dating will ever be. In the straight world there will be some wooing and some flirting and if you have a penis and she has a vagina then generally you are open to go in for the kill. This typically happens in a bar or in a night club. You dance a little and then maybe chat a bit and if you’re lucky you get a kiss and then a phone number. You occasionally have the odd one night stand and then move on to the next one. Wait doesn’t that sound a lot like the gay world? In fact that actually describes a whole range of dating situation in any country around the world.
Dating around the world is pretty much the same. There is always the initial stage of courting and then the moving in to seal the deal. In the gay world though I have found there to be a few more complexities that really can take the wind out of your sails completely. Lets say you spot a guy that your interested in. You smile you act all coy and shy and lets suppose you work up the courage to go over there and make the first move. He gives you the look and completely shuts you down in less than 20 seconds. That is brutal and in some cases extremely cruel. It completely shatters your self esteem and does nothing in terms of a moral boost. Gay guys are so superficial and image conscious that if he decides that you he does not like the shoes that you are wearing, he will completely shut down and block you out. Yes my dears’ shoes can be a deal breaker for most of my queer sisters. You then retreat to a safe zone like internet dating but only to find that it is even more ferocious out there. Almost all the profiles on the dating site have either some body part that is extremely well developed like a bicep or a chest. The rest all have penis profiles because that is really all they have to offer. And the remainder of the profiles? Well these you really don’t want to get to know because they are the villagers that no one talks about.
For the past two weeks I have been chatting to a fairly decent guy that I met online. He made the first move and contacted me online and we eventually exchanged numbers to chat some more. He is a professional guy, fairly young, but you can tell that he is a dedicated person. Or can you? But none the less he seems decent. We have called each other and chatted about various topics and he sounds really honest and normal. Due to both of our hectic schedules we have not set up a meet yet but we have finally committed to doing the first date tomorrow. I am not in the slightest bit nervous and not really expecting much either. In fact at this point in time it just seems like a lot of unnecessary work again. You have to go out there and sell yourself, just like a used car salesman would. If you were used car salesman how would you sell yourself? My sales pitch would be something to the effect of: Moderate mileage, a few bumps and scrapes but engine in good condition, on board computer tends to over load at times but you won’t have too many problems rebooting it. Understandably if we all sold ourselves like this we would surely not close any deals or make any money. So what is the best way to prepare for that dreaded first date? Do you ref yourself up to make you feel and look like the most awesome confident man ever? Do you tone it down and act like the cool down to earth guy that everybody likes, or do you just act too cool for comfortable like nothing in the world would ever bother you?
The general consensus is that you just be yourself. Be the person that you are everyday and show what you are mad up of. But honestly speaking how many of us can actually say that we are ourselves on these dates. Naturally you will dress for the occasion because you want to make a good impression. So if you’re anything like me you have to be realistic and understand that you don’t always look like a supermodel and that some days you are just comfortable in your scruffy shorts and vest. Then you talk about your good qualities which are sometimes very far removed from reality and you find yourself wonder where the hell these words are coming from. In short we put our best foot forward to make that good impression because, first impressions last. The real test of any date is what happens on the second date. Do you still put your best foot forward or do your true colours shine? Let me tell you I have had quite a few exceptionally good first dates but when it comes to the second date the atmosphere simply changes for the worst. You discover qualities about the person that you never though they could have and you suddenly find your self wondering what you saw in the person in the first place.
So in my mind I have already started prepping myself for the date tomorrow. What will I wear, how will I act and what will I say? It is important to prepare for anything but is there something like preparing too much and can you over think things to the point where you set yourself up for failure? I believe the answer is yes. You need to be cool, calm and collected and be yourself. It is better to be upfront about these things than leave it for a later. When you have nothing, you have nothing to loose. So what if the date does not go well? Will you cry and crawl under a rock and stay there for the rest of your life? No you will pick yourself up and move one. One bad date should not break your spirit or your energy. If anything it should bring you closer to understanding and knowing what it is that you really want. Knowledge is power and with that knowledge you can open doors and move mountains.
So I am going on this date tomorrow to see what lies ahead. What is the worst that could happen? We could have nothing to say to each other or we could just not have that spark that you need to get things started. Either way it will make for an interesting story that I will surely be writing about. Life is after all a journey and you should enjoy every moment of it so that you can live to tell the tale.
Until we chat again. Bon Voyage
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