When you’re young you think that you know everything and that you are invincible. As you get older you start to realise that you know absolutely nothing and that you will never know everything. But the trick is that as you get older you really don’t stress so much about it anymore because you are comfortable with knowing only what you need to know.
Take fashion for instance. When I was a teenager bordering on the early twenties I thought that I had all the answers and that I was the most awesome snappy dresser in the world. When I look back at pictures of me at that stage of my life or think of certain outfits I wore back then I can only laugh and hang my head in shame. Whatever made me think that those colours or that those fabrics would work together at all? Thank goodness for the evolution and advancement of society. Having said that, I am sure that in 10 years from now all of us will look back at this time of our lives and think the same thing. It’s a vicious cycle. Just look at the 80’s, with its stove pipe jeans, wild hair with mud flaps and all, oversized shoulder pads and more. At the time it was awesome and stunning but looking back at it now we think WTF was I thinking…
At the end of the day we were daring and adventurous and we went bold and beautiful with style and flair.
All of this also applies to our dating lives. I can instantly think of at least five guys that I have dated or had a fling with in my early years that was absolutely horrifying when I actually think about it. Not that I can remember all their names but I do remember my first sexual encounter and that was most definitely not so glamorous or sexy as they make it sound or look on TV. It was on my second trip to a gay club ever and oh gosh I was just totally in heaven the entire time. I was still coming to terms with the fact that I was gay and that I liked boys way too much. So my first real gay friend took me to an extremely well known and popular club where all the queers hanged out. I was just so overwhelmed with it all that I just wanted more and more. It was like a drug that your hooked on, heroin or coke. Imagine me a 15 year old straight boy, horny as hell, like all 15 year olds are, going through puberty and discovering your sexuality. Now add the gayness and you have a ticking time boy. You just look at a guy and you instantly get a boner. So unleash the wild child in the playpen and he is bound to find a friend or two.
As luck would have it I managed to score on the second visit to the club. It was quite by chance and if perhaps I had made notes at the time I could have replicated the manoeuvres and maybe managed to snag a good guy a very long time ago. But oh I never listened to myself back then why start now.
Gerhard was his name and when I think about it now he was so not my type at all. Granted he was tall but he was blond with an almost late 90’s bop. He did have incredibly beautiful blue eyes. It was late in the night, around midnight or 1am and we were going to leave soon anyway. So while hanging out on the wooden benches outside with the rest of the queer folk this guy caught my eye. I looked over a few times and was smitten. He was looking back at me just as hard but I was not going to make the first move at all. At one point he waved at me and I returned the wave. There was some smiles and winks and the then gestured that I come over. Me being the naïve little queerling, I looked around to make sure he was pointing at me which he found rather amusing. So after gathering my up all my courage I minced my way over there. We finally introduced ourselves and started chatting. Turns out that he did not wave at me and he was only having a wild conversation with his friends. I felt like such a boob but it was a good pick up now that I think about it. To this day I cannot recall what the rest of the conversation was like. All I remember is that he was good looking and paying loads of attention to me. He was charming and confident and I was giggling like a typical school girl. And while I am writing this I am having visions of Ugly Betty in the first few episodes of the show which is basically what I think I resembled at the time. He was 23, or so he said and I was 16, or so I said. I was actually only 15 but 16 sounded much cooler. So the conversation progressed and then naturally the predator moved in on his prey. Now you have to understand that at this stage of my life I was totally confused, not much has changed by the way, and I had just come out of the closet. So I was scared shitless and excited at the same time. This was basically an experiment for me to see if this “gay thing” was just a phase or if it was more than that.
The most memorable moment of the night and of my life so far was without a doubt the first kiss that we had. By this stage we had moved closer and he had his arm around me. It was rather chilly that night so he attempted to keep me warm but my hormones and the blood that was rushing through my veins were doing a pretty good job already. There was a moment of silence and a long stare into each others eyes. He leaned in and I just knew what was coming next. I was so nervous and I just cant help but laugh when I think of it now. That old saying about lighting bolts and earth moving is absolutely true and the moment our lips touched I swear I heard angels singing. The sparks flew and I was way higher than cloud nine. The first kiss only lasted a few seconds but it felt like an eternity. I honestly can’t remember how long we were there but the kissing was with out a doubt the highlight of the evening. We ended up back in the club in the “darkroom” where things got hot and heavy but highly awkward and uncomfortable. It was horrible and pathetic but still hysterical at the same time. The whole event probably did not last more than ten minutes and it was really nothing to write about but it was the experience of a lifetime and something that I will never forget. It was a turning point in my life and probably the exact point where I knew that this is who I am and that is what I wanted. After the whole episode I walked him to his car, I gave him my number and we said good bye. There was more kissing and to this day still I am still a sucker for a good kisser. As he drove off with his friends I was smiling from ear to ear and in complete ecstasy. The fact that I had lost my friend in the crowd and had no lift home did not even bother me at all.
I headed back into the club hopping and skipping to look for my friend. It felt like everyone was looking at me and knew what I had just done, it felt great. After looking through the club for my friend with no luck I eventually decided to call my sister to come fetch me around 2am.
As I was standing there on that street corner waiting for her to fetch me I kept replaying every second of the night in my head and just could not wipe that silly grin off my face.
When my sister and her then boyfriend picked me up I found it hard to control my self and not smile all the way home but I just sat very quietly in the back minding my own business. Luckily they did not require much explanation for the reasons that led to me being stranded at the club.
Lets face it people nobody has a great first time. And be honest it is unrealistic to expect a awesome magical first time because you don’t know what the hell your doing. You need the experience and the practice to become the best at any task, so of course this applies to sex too.
Appreciate your first time and love it for its purity and innocence. The fact that you were a novice once is adorable and it only makes it more hysterical. When you are having a crap day that just wont quit just slip this thought in your head and let the laughter roll.
We are unique and we are awesome in our own way. These experiences we go through in life is what makes us who we are. It makes for great dinner parties and braai’s and drunken conversation.
Until next time…
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