I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do… Or Do I?…

So we all know that finding a great man to settle down with is more difficult than finding a stylish pair of shoes that are both beautiful and comfortable. Not only is it difficult to find a husband to marry and settle down with in the straight world but in the gay world its even more impossible. The movie title Mission Impossible comes to mind.

The gay world is so superficial and loaded with testosterone how could anyone find a guy that will be happy with going to bed with you every night and waking up with you every morning. All most of them want to do is bang you senseless and move on to the next victim. Not only is it cheap to jump from bed to bed but it is also dangerous with the dreaded HIV monster out there. Even if you’re being safe in bed, how safe are you. There is an entire catalogue of dreaded infections and viruses to choose from if you’re the village bicycle that everyone takes for a ride.  Not to mention the wear and tear you will go through. I am the kind of paranoid person that will worry about things like that even if I know I did nothing to worry about. The Italian was a bit of a wake up call for me and although I don’t go jumping from one bed to the other every night for me it was a sign that things could be heading to a place where I don’t want to be.

I want to settle down and have the little perfect house in the perfect suburb with the stereotypical white picket fence. Maybe even punch out a couple of kids, with a hell of a lot of effort and a major miracle, but you guys get what I am saying. Yes it is great to be single and have fun with various partners, to be independent and free. But that is no way to live at the end of the day, we are here to meet our soul mates and share our lives with that someone special.

Since gay marriage was legalised in SA there has been very little news or reporting on any of the progress for gay people anywhere. And again with all the sluts around in the gay world I don’t think anyone has really paid attention to the fact that you can now give your wiener to one person every night and still love them unconditionally in the morning. Gay men are particularly unfaithful and if there is going to be any commitments then it is a major deal. For the most part it is about who has the greatest pecks, most awesome abs and biggest dick. All of these are major factors in any gay mans life. Which is fine if your 20 and hung. But when you get to age 30 and you look at your life and realise that you have spent 10 years stuffing around with losers and that you have not really given any thought to the fact that you don’t want to keep jumping from bed to bed but that you actually want to commit for live. You are not going to have those boyish good looks for ever and you wont always have a monster erection that will put most straight men to shame.

The question really is that if you as a gay man say I Do…is that really what you mean and have you really listened to those marriage vows you just uttered? Can you as a gay man really say I do and be devoted and faithful forever? Do you understand the long term implications of your decisions and are you ready for such a major step in your life? So often in the straight world you find people that choose to get married for the wrong reasons and you can bet your ass that it will be more frequent in the gay world. Even thought we gay guys are so complex and superficial for the most part we all yearn for love and attention and commitment, whether we admit it or not. It is only normal and it is part of being human. I think that the main problem is that we are so shielded and defensive and have our guard up all the time that we really don’t let ourselves experience love in its truest form. News flash girly boys, sex is not love. We try to keep ourselves from getting hurt and try to protect ourselves but instead of putting ourselves out there and opening up to the possibilities we probably miss hundreds of opportunities.

Call me old fashioned, call me naïve, call me whatever you want but I think that love is about being so totally connected to that person that you could not imagine live without him. Looks are irrelevant and so are the pecks and abs. Love is a soul connection and really is about being with your soul mate. You are meant to be with that person and although life has a strange way of teaching you lessons, and everything that you have gone through in your life up to this point is for a reason. I don’t know what the reason is and I struggle on a daily basis to find meaning just like every other gay man but perhaps the reason is that you need to go through the ugly parts to get to the good stuff. Maybe that will make you appreciate the good stuff even more. Maybe that is what will make you want to be committed and devoted to that one person for live.

I don’t have the answers and I certainly do not have access to the book of life, believe me I have looked and tried to Google it. Oh but by the way please do go and Google the word “Blap”… Freaking hysterical. But seriously, I do know one thing. If you do not try you will not succeed. You have to put yourself out there to find what you are looking for. Oprah had a show many years ago where she used the metaphor that we are all taxis in the busy streets of New York. You have a light on the roof that shows if you’re available or not. If your light is not on you won’t be getting any new passengers… This has never made more sense to me than right now in my life. Is my light on?

If your looking for love and you want that commitment I am one hundred percent sure of the fact that you will find it. The question is, is your light on?

Until next time…